Thursday, 20 September 2007

Efraristo,Thank you, Merci

This goes out to all my peeps in London, Brighton, Greece, New York, Belgium, Connecticut, Switzerland, France and LA that have been my rock during this difficult time . Mad respeck to y'all, I'd be 2 meds away from shaving my head if it wasn't for you.

Right now he's trying to get a hold of me to "explain" but my phone is switched off and I'm not responding to his email, just gonna disappear into the night like the international woman of mystery that I am.

Next stop southern France for 2 weeks on my own.

Peace out Greece!


Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Check Out My Horoscope for Today

Love, relationships, beauty, and pleasure are emphasized now. You feel especially attractive or friendly, and the warmth you radiate is noticed and appreciated. A new romance or friendship may ensue. Artistic efforts are also fruitful.


Friday, 14 September 2007

The Skinny

Ok, so I removed the picture of me and Bertrand with the dates we were going out and the RIP - it was a touch melodramatic even for me, but I still think its important to share that I once found a Kenny G CD in his car and it was in a Johnny Halliday CD case. Johnny Halliday is my French version of Celine Dione which I tried to explain to Bertrand and he was like "you don't like Celine Dione?"

I never said he was perfect, but I liked him anyway.

The last two weeks I have made excuses for the fact that I was hearing from him less and less. That he was tired from playing with balls and other men, that he was getting to know a foreign city and his fellow ball handlers.

So it was mostly me calling and if he picked up he sounded distracted and eager to get off the phone. As opposed to the week before that when he would call me through out the day to tell me how much I was missed, to share his day or yes, just to hear the sound of my voice. Ok, so I made the last one up but I don't care anymore, I'm like a Sex Pistol.

So then I get a text from him saying "it would be better for me if you called and texted on my French mobile only", and his French mobile was always switched off. So I called and texted on his Italien mobile to let him know and resume contact. But he never picked up when I called.

Last week I sent him a text asking if anything was wrong, I never heard back. So then I call him and he doesn't pick up. So then I become Glenn Close and resist the constant urge to call him on the hour.

Eventually, realizing that I wan't going away he picked up and got me off the phone in about 10 seconds flat. He said he would call me the next day and explain why he had "disappeared". He was so obviously not alone when I called.

So I waited for his call the next night like a coiled spring and jumped 3 metres in the air every time the phone rang. And guess what? He never called.

My dad was like "whatever you do, don't call him!" and of course I wait til my dad goes to bed (i.e watches movies in bed until 3am) and call him. And he doesn't pick up.

At this point I feel like I've eaten a shit sandwhich that I can't throw up. I sleep like half a minute and the next day try calling him again. Both mobiles are switched off. Doesn't he know who I am? Didn't get get the memo?

Later that day I get a text from him saying "sorry I've disappeared, i need some time to get my head together, I'm confused and in times like these i need to be alone. I need some more time and then I will call you. If I make you wait its because I like you and want to make sure that I make the right decision about what I want."

Isn't that hot? so right now I'm supposed to be waiting to see what he wants. If he wants me. As if! Naturally, I have switched my cell off forever.

Its obvious to me that he has met up with his ex who lives in Italy..I'll spare you the details but even though he promised I wasn't a rebound relationship because he could see himself with me forever, I'm 98.7% sure that he's spending time with her and therefore doesn't know about me anymore. So he strings me along until he decides what he wants. Awesome.

So I wrote the core friends an email because I felt like such a dildo for sending emails professing love and attaching pictures of shiny really tall happy people holding hands. The responses I have gotten have kick started the healing process.

Here are some of the highlights for you:

Ric: (Talking about Bertrand's inevitable suicide by volleyball): "Some kind of ritual death by spiking where his team mates take turns to repeatedly slam the ball into his face until the court resembles the beginning of saving private ryan. Something like that. (Tom Hanks cameo optional...)"

Andy: "The girls in my office, who know your story from the last email, are devastated... will you let me be your man? I can sing that Wham song to you..."

Christine: "God I hate the French!"


Kristina: "But just think, this way you avoid freakishly tall kids, so it's really the best for all parties."

Jerry: "I wish I was there with you, a bottle of booze and a fist of meds to stroke your freshly ironed hair."

Rachel: "Did you send him that email? i hope he cries over his computer and it gets water damage, I hate volleyball."

I was going to send him this email I wrote that would make him cry. I've read and revised it so many times by now that I honestly couldn't tell if it was just the word tomato 400 times. I realized that the email I wrote to send him was really just for me to get everything off my chest. My sister "suggested" I not send him anything at all. My father agrees adding that this will make him feel "unsettled and uncomfortable." I like that.

So I won't send anything. I've switched off my phone. And I've changed my flight from Verona to the south of France.

Bertrand isn't a bad guy, he's just not terribly mature at 25 as I thought he was. He told me that his ex girlfriend was so jealous he couldn't talk to other women. "Its so nice being with you" he would tell me, "I never realized how easy a relationship could be."

I guess that makes him a loser.

your fan,


Thursday, 13 September 2007

Skinny Small Greek Wedding

I tried to get in as many professional pictures as possible, lets see if I make it in the Vogue spread.

The wedding was super fun, very low key and chill. Excellent music all night (not a Greek song at all) dancing at a tennis club spitting distance from the acropolis (ok, you'd have to be a mutant spitter), open air dance floor littered with b list Greek celebrities and fashionistas. And the guy that dropped me and Thanos home is an indie rock singer who's had a few number one hits in Greece and apparently sells out stadiums in minutes. I like him because he drove me home and I was a little drunkola.

Here are some highlights for you:

Check out my bling as I chill on lawn furniture before heading to the wedding:

The Groom

The Bride

Me and Eleni

Me and Thanos


Me and Kim, (the mad sweaty englishman)

The Last Thing I Remember..

your fan,


Saturday, 8 September 2007

Me Smelling

Greek plants growing on my father's terrace. Look how I am enjoying them. For those of you who know me, you will of course realize that this is just a cheap excuse to show off my freshly ironed hair. Oh Greeks, you understand my hair so.

Day 3 in the fatherland and if I never hear Greek music again... my father's a big fan and likes to blast it through the house at all hours. He tried to do this when he was married to my mom and it caused bitter rows. If it wasn't Greek music it was German opera, equally painful. My mother would say "that woman sounds like she got knifed in the gut" while my father would openly lament the fact that he had married outside of his race.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I'm going to a wedding of people I don't know. But the chick is a famous fashion designer and lots of celebs will be there, my friend Thanos whose cousin is marrying this chick assures me that the guest list will be internationaly fabulous. Greek Vogue are doing a 6 page spread on the event and I will try to bend and snap my way into as many pictures as possible. Don't have an outfit blingy enough for the event so here comes Sophia my dad's girlfriend to the rescue. She's really nice and younger than him and so should have some good stuff though like all Greek women, it will border on the Vegas showgirl. Maybe there will be a Versase...

Went to the beach today. Fell asleep with my chin touching my chest so have weird red stripy burn mark on neck. Woke up to screetching and nasal cords otherwise known as The Greek Woman Speaking. Some lady with watermellon boobs yelling after her fat grandson. Made Janice from Friends sound like the BBC World Service.

More soon.

your fan,


Wednesday, 5 September 2007


That's right. I'm off to Greece tonight.My dad is super excited as I don't get to see him on his turf all that often. I'll be there for 2 weeks, which means two weeks of hearing about how everything Greek is amazing, how I musn't forget that I am a Greek (like the fact that I can braid my leg hair isn't enough of a reminder) etc etc. But I'm totally looking forward to it. And I still have those meds..that aren't freaking me out as much anymore and the itching has mellowed too.

Oh happy coincidence, my friend Thanos who I know from university will be visiting his mom in Athens while I'm there. Here he is looking very inch the professor he is.
The last time I was in Athens, I bumped into Thanos walking down the street. He was visiting his mom then too. Turns out his mom is my dad's neighbor. This is totally uninteresting except for him and me. Anyway, Thanos and his excellent girlfriend Eleni (big fan of 80's montage too) will be in town most of my two weeks and I've been invited to his cousin's wedding on Sunday. Apparently Italian Vogue will be there. I'll be the one in the pasties looking bored.

My tan has faded to a pale walnut so glad I can top it off. Must get one of them 3 way mirrors.

News from the volleyball playing new man. He has hurt his ankle, so training has been reduced to doing crunches in the corner while the rest of the team get to run and jump.
"I haven't been able to touch a ball in over a week" he lamented while I wondered how to say "you said ball" in French. 19 days and counting until we are reunited in Verona. Hopefully his ankle will be healed so we can do that slow mo run in the airport.

Half an hour until the cab picks me up for the airport. I'm temping at reception in Maidenhead again. Its deathly quiet, everyone has gone home..and soon I will too.

I'm comin' papa!

Monday, 3 September 2007

Mellow Anxiety

I threw my back out. Carrying my suitcase through the tube and train stations of London on my way back from France. When I say suitcase I mean a large ghetto duffel bag that I throw over my shoulder without bending my knees or nuttin, cuz I'm a crazy fucking bitch.

My back starting hurting badly and that scares me considering the last time I had a back ache I temporarily lost the use of my legs. So I got a prescription for some muscle relaxers and painkillers and those who know me well will know how happy this makes me. My friend Gisela thinks prescription pills are tacky but I disagree, I think crack is tacky.

American doctors give percoset and vicodin so I was curious as to what my British counterpart would subscribe. Fearing "lots of fresh air and a stiff upper lip" I walked into the Dr's office with an exagerated limp and permanent pained expression. It worked, I limped out with a prescription for two types of meds, one with codeine and the other with good times.

But unlike vic and perc, these drugs are making me a little anxious while simultaneously chilling me out. Its a weird combo. So I'm mellow yellow but on edge and jumpy. But then get this, the other night I'm curled up on my mom's sofa watching the movie The Queen. Its super great by the way. So I'm sitting there watching and scratching - my scalp, eyelids, thighs and hands until it hits me that I have junkie itch. Like Jamie Foxx when he played Ray Charles in the hit movie Ray for which he won the oscar. Anyway, not cute.

My back feels better so I can decrease the meds but obviously I'll keep taking them until they are all gone.

your fan,