Day 1

Day 1
I thought the day I updated my myspace page after one year of membership might as well be the day I start blogging. Am considering getting a mobile phone while I'm at it and one of them compact disc players. Then I'll be dope instead of wack.

So I laboured over the title of my blog site for like a whole minute and everything I thought of was even more crap. I was only recently made aware of the fact that the word "maidenhead" is oldern language for virginity. Who the hell knew? Not this girl. Thank god I'm not a virgo or I'd feel like a double slut.

So growing up in Maidenhead (15 years of my life total) sucked for several reasons but was also awesome cuz everyone was unattractive which could potentially make you feel like a total super model, except me cuz I was pretty ugly as a teen - scrawny, frizzy hair, backne...so I just blended, but my older sister who never had an awkward stage ever was like friggin' Iman in a town full of Oprahs (big Oprahs sans diamonds).

I'm not black by the way, neither is my sister but I wanted to show how totally racially unaware I am by making that analogy. And I love you Oprah even though you have lost touch with reality "everyone should own one of these Donna Karen cashmere leggings, at $300 they're a steal, I own 700," (not a direct quote.)

Maidenhead is a weird town because its half Chenoble half Paradise (see picture above). So the high street, or main drag is a curious mixture of Vicky Pollards and Nigella Lawsons. The Vicky Pollards or chavs or whatever the British are calling common people today (yes, I have spent an equal portion of my life in America, can you..uum, like, tell?) used to all hang out outside McDonalds, smoke fags while bottle feeding their brown babies Fanta. The Nigella's would pop into Marks & Sparks for a spot of shopping or perhaps Boots to collect their pain killer prescription for that ghastly horse riding accident, fabulous! The pain killers, not the horse (as if).

So now you know everything about me. This is like free therapy without the drugs (adderall I want and crave you). Be patient while I figure out how to make this more interesting. I may give up totally and/or change the blog title if I receive lots of hate mail from angered Maidenheadians.

I'm your greatest fan.

a.